to what used to be RIGHT.. (September 4, 2010)

i'm not really sure if this is right..

i'm not really sure if i should take the flight..

these feelings that i thought was in oblivion

are now coming back to haunt my dominion..

isn't it obvious that i'm in jeopardy?

that this is not some kind of parody?

all i want is peace and harmony..

my heart is suffering from too much agony..

your sweet words are killing me..

those sweet lies hurt like an enemy..

what used to be sweet memories

are now bitter symphonies..

now, all i want is space

though i know i have a slow pace..

could you still even look at my face?

now that i've lost all my ace?

now, i guess i have to decide..

i have to wait 'till all of these subside..

this feeling that i've always tried to hide

should now be put aside..

goodbye love..

for now, we have to part

till everything comes back

to what used to be right..

the KILLER SHOES that got me NEARLY KILLED.. haha! (September 21, 2010)

last week, i've got an oral warning about my shoes, so now i have a 3 inch heeled pair of shoes which i got from my younger sister.. she used it only once during her graduation in high school.. well, it's ironic right? i'm older and she has bigger foot than i am.. but that's life.. the eldest ones are often the smallest ones.. enough of that.. back to our main topic.. the killer shoes.. well, today was my first day to use it.. i walked inside the house wearing it to practice myself and prevent mishaps later.. and that was it.. i left the house and waited for a jeepney to pass by.. gosh!the path on the way to the waiting shedwa s so rocky and it was such a suffering to walk on heels..although i managed it slowly but surely..haha what a tactic, right?..hmm.. after riding a jeep to the mall, i had to walk to school..and before that, i had to cross the road which is the thing i hate the most..or should i say, feared the most? but then, it was still early so i did not worry much.. not until i was just one step ahead from being hit by a jeepney.. that was so close..whew! just because of being SLOW-paced.. atleast i was saved though.. and now, butterflies in my stomach began to flutter.. i was so nervous that the guard might not let me in because my shoes had this shimmering diamond designs in front.. but then, my worries were gone when i have enterered the school safe from being caught.. maybe my shoes were just appropriate for school.. it was acceptable.. so i began walking around school with straight body..(this is what i like when i wear high-heeled shoes.. my posture is a little bit corrected..i kinda prevent slouching without me noticing it).. during the afternoon, my feet began to swell... god! was it tiring! but i was lucky enough to get a schedule for completion so i forgot my feet were aching..for a while.. haha! and then it drizzled.. and i got the guts to go to the mall with my two friends.. walking around, standing, and picking accessories.. it was alright for me to do that if my feet were really well.. but then, i had to suffer the pain of walking around in swollen feet..i can already feel the blisters it caused my feet.. and finally, we ate at jollibee.. it was a very relaxing time to SIT... finally, my feet could already rest.. after that, we decided to ride the taxi home because i think that i could not anymore take the pain that these shoes are causing me.. unfortunately, there was a scarcity of taxi during that time leaving us with no choice but to commute.. i was lucky enough to see two EL RIO routed jeep..or i thought i was lucky.. haha! my friend got the jeepney for me but i was so slow and the jeep was not on the right lane to load a passenger so it left..without me.. = (so my friend went back to get me another jeep which unfortunately left me again.. gosh! and i just got myself a jeep..it was ROUTE 4.. meaning: i have to take a double-ride and take note, i have to cross the street again! wee! isn't that great? (sarcastic) then, i asked the jeepney driver to pull over in front of the durian hotel and i walked to the pedestrian lane section and waited for the green light to turn red and the walk sign to turn on.. and there it was..my ready signal : the YELLOW LIGHT.. and click! GO for me and STOP for the cars..so, i crossed the street and whap! i was so close to being hit by a taxi..tsk2! guess why? because i was so SLOW.. because of what? yep! that's right.. my killer heels.. the killer shoes that really got me nearly killed.. but still, GOD is so good to save me.. it's still not my time.. haha! and i went home and rest my tired feet.. hoping for tomorrow's experience to be a good one and hopefully, i could get by with my "new shoes".. wish me luck!

GOODBYE FAIRYTALES, HELLO REALITY!

(As i was cleaning up my cabinet, i found this article which i wrote for computer classes during first year college.. HAHA)

GOODBYE FAIRYTALES, HELLO REALITY!

And they lived happily ever after, -- this is how fairytales always end: a HAPPY ENDING. Cinderella, Snow White, Belle, Ariel, Aurora and all other princesses in our fairytales play as damsels in distress and are always found and saved by their prince charmings. the evil stepmother, the evil witch and all other villains are always defeated then our princes and princesses are always married at the end , always having a happy ending.

All of us wish we are living in fairytale world. we all wished for a happy ending. Girls always wished for their handsome prince charmings to come and save them from their miseries and boys are also searching for the right girl for them. well, back to reality, is there such thing as a happily ever after ending? well, i am not quite sure that there is such thing.

Most of the girls in the real world don't act anymore as damsels in distress. girls are more practical and more aggressive these days. they are stronger, they fight for themselves, and don't wait for their prince charming to save them.

On the other hand, boys or most boys in the real world are not into fighting dragons, crossing oceans, climbing mountains, fighting evil forces or defeating demons just to be with their princesses anymore. also, unlike the handsome prince, we cannot deny the fact that there are so many "PLAYERS" in the real world, acting as if everything is just a game.

In fairytales, for one meeting, just one, the princess and the prince fall in love with each other and the prince asks for the princess' hand in marriage. in reality, love is not like that. Love is developed between two people by the times they spent together and one doesn't ask another's hand for marriage with just one meeting. in the real world, there are things such as divorce, break-ups, cool-offs which doesn't exist in fairytales. in the real world, everyone should be practical. in the real world, when your partner suffers from a disease or something, "true love's kiss" can't save him or her unlike in fairytales. there are a lot more things to be considered more than just love you feel for each other. money is needed in the real world and there are also a lot more things needed.

Well, fairytales are just people's way of giving life to their dreams or fantasies wherein the ending is what they wanted it to be. there is no harm in being amazed with fairytales but we have to consider the fact that we are in the REAL WORLD. not all things have a happy ending; sometimes, it's just ONCE UPON A TIME.

that SILLY THING called MOVING ON..

When do you move on? when you get hurt? you got cheated? you realized it's time? or when you have just decided to ACCEPT REALITY?

well, it isn't always easy to move on.. and along with it comes different phases..

The first phase of moving on: the "I-HAVE-ALREADY-DECIDED-TO-MOVE-ON PHASE".

This part is where you feel so strong.

It is the part where you have made your decision.

It is the beginning of what you say “new life”.

You are sticking to your choice.

Strongly willed, you have decided.

There’s no turning back.

You get a new hair cut. You treat yourself to a spa or shopping spree maybe and other recreational or should I say “diversional” activities.

The first few days are painful and yet you bear it.

You feel like you can do anything and you really can do anything, even the things that you don’t usually do or those you are usually afraid of doing.

Then the next few weeks, you start to feel OKAY.

That you’ve already moved on.

That you’re feeling fine or should I say GREAT without that significant person in your life.

I call this “PSEUDO-I-AM-ALREADY-OVER-YOU PHASE”.

This is the part where you always hang out with your friends and you tell everybody that you already forgot about him because it is really what you feel at that particular moment.

This is actually the TRICKY PART.

It makes you feel GREAT, HAPPY and well, OUTRAGEOUS.

But here’s the catch, you’re really not over him. well, atleast not yet.

It’s a defense mechanism.

THEN..

The silly and hard part is the next phase.

The what I call “OH-MY-GOD-I-AM-MISSING-HIM PHASE” .

This is the critical part.

It’s like the make or break question in a Q&A.

You feel the urge to get him back.

You feel like you need him again.

You reminisce.

You wish for those times that you spent together to come back.

You WANT HIM BACK BADLY.

You feel desperate to have him back in your arms again.

This can actually lead to depression.

This is the part that hurts.

But, this is also the challenging part.

This is the phase wherein if you have overcome it, if you have surpassed it, you will really be able to MOVE ON.

I mean the TRUE MOVING ON phase.

The real i-am-already-over-you scenario.

And this is also the SILLY PART of moving on.

IT IS THE PART WHERE YOU DECIDE.. Will you continue moving forward? or do you get stuck on that phase? or will you go back from the start?

REMEMBER, it is YOU who will decide on that.. Me? i'll go with the first choice.. :D so goodluck on moving on guys! :D

so hurt!

*sigh*
ouch!
i'm hurt! AGAIN!
he already found his everything...
well, i'm so happy for him but sad for me...
well, i've been really tring to move on...
i really am...TRYING!
trying not to text or call him...
trying not to visit his page...
but then again...here i am...
can't help but take a look...
even just a glimpse...
and that's what i saw...
"she's my everything!"
ouch!
who's even "she"?
not replying to my text messages...
not replying to my comments...
or any other messages...
while replying to others...
maybe i should really not bother to care, right?
maybe i should just leave!
maybe he just wanted me to feel that he doesn't want me around anymore...
even as a friend...
and i don't want to stay anymore coz it's hurting me more!
is it really this difficult to move on?
i thought i've moved on...
but everytime he comes in my memory...
my feelings are all coming back in a flash..
all those hardwork of moving on, they're all gone!
how i wish these feelings for him just vanish in thin air...
how i wish i never met him at all...
how i wish he was never my bestfriend...
how i wish our paths did not cross...
since, we're not meant...
ouch! i'm sorry to all my friends...
because i think i can't really move on at this moment..
*sigh*
i'm so stupid!

how am i?

well...it's been long since i last posted here...
hmmm...to start, i guess i would like to tell you just an overview of what happened in my life during these past few weeks...
well, to start with...i had my heart broken! (AGAIN) and well...with the same person!.. :c
it's just that i found out that his "true love", as he says, is a friend of my friend...ouch!
i haven't met her yet but i am asking my friend to let me meet her...
well, they don't know about the story behind me and him (the guy i'm talking about)
so, now i am pretending that i have no lovelife at all...because it would be awkward if i will tell stories about him and my friend also sharing her friend's story about the same person...
actually, his "true love" and him hasn't met yet...
i just wonder how come they could call or treat each other as their true love when in fact they haven't even seen each other yet...
they met over the cellphone...they've been textmates for quite a while...
then, he (the guy) also told me not to tell my friend that he is courting someone right now whom he introduced to me...see?? what a playboy?!
but how come i still love him?! ha! i'm so stupid....
and now, well actually, this past few days, when i came back here in the place where i study, i just realized that i really have to move on...
he's not the only guy on earth!
i have to accept the fact that we really are not meant to be...
well, it's quite an achievement for me not to text him anymore...
if he texts, i will reply but if he will not...then i will do nothing...
but it's quite hard you know...
i still answer his text especially when he has a problem...
i mean...c'mon! we're still bestfriends...
wouldn't i be such a bad, cruel or mean friend if i will not be a friend just because of me not being his destiny?! that's such a petty reason to break a friendship...

now, how am i? really?!

actually, i am alright but i'm not...
haha...i'm so confused...
i really wanted to move on but i hate the way i feel...
because i still love him..
i know that i am not the only person on earth who is in this situation but what can i do?!
am i too stupid to be falling in love with someone who told me he loved me but also loves someone else?! god! help me!
am i stupid for still staying as his bestfriend?
well, i pretend not to think of him...
i mean..i try not to think of him...
but every time i am alone, his memory flashes and it all goes back to me...
and i hate it....
how could i possibly move on?
where the hell is Mr. Right?!
i hope he comes sooner so that i wouldn't be stuck on Mr. Wrong!
i'm trying my best to move on...
i really am...
if my friends just know how hard i try not to think of him, not to talk about him, not to LOVE him! *sigh*
this coming christmas break, i don't know if i wanna come home...because i'll see him again...
and i know that no matter how hard i try to stop these feelings...it would still go back when i see him and if i spend time with him....
maybe i might spend my christmas here but it would be too lonely to be alone during new year's eve...
i don't know...i haven't decided yet...
-well, i guess i'll end it here for now...because i have so much to do...i'll just post again if something happens...ok?! keep in touch guys who are reading these...-
i might need your advice...haha...kiddin'
i should fix this on my own...i know...
so, bye...for now...

scared...

he told me that somebody told him that he's a good friend...
and that he would be a great bestfriend...
and my world stopped when he told me that...
i fell into silence and i didn't utter a word for a moment...
he asked me why i was silent...
and told me not to worry because he doesn't always go with those people...
but, i still feel scared...
i'm afraid to lose my best bud...
i'm far away from home...
and i'm far away from him...
that person, whoever that was...
he or she's closer to my bestfriend, in terms of distance...
which means that i could be easily replaced...i guess...
but if one day my bestfriend will find that person a better bud than me...
i'll let go...
coz there's no more reason to hold on...
*sigh*
i feel so..i don't know...
sad maybe...worried... :c