how am i?

well...it's been long since i last posted here...
hmmm...to start, i guess i would like to tell you just an overview of what happened in my life during these past few weeks...
well, to start with...i had my heart broken! (AGAIN) and well...with the same person!.. :c
it's just that i found out that his "true love", as he says, is a friend of my friend...ouch!
i haven't met her yet but i am asking my friend to let me meet her...
well, they don't know about the story behind me and him (the guy i'm talking about)
so, now i am pretending that i have no lovelife at all...because it would be awkward if i will tell stories about him and my friend also sharing her friend's story about the same person...
actually, his "true love" and him hasn't met yet...
i just wonder how come they could call or treat each other as their true love when in fact they haven't even seen each other yet...
they met over the cellphone...they've been textmates for quite a while...
then, he (the guy) also told me not to tell my friend that he is courting someone right now whom he introduced to me...see?? what a playboy?!
but how come i still love him?! ha! i'm so stupid....
and now, well actually, this past few days, when i came back here in the place where i study, i just realized that i really have to move on...
he's not the only guy on earth!
i have to accept the fact that we really are not meant to be...
well, it's quite an achievement for me not to text him anymore...
if he texts, i will reply but if he will not...then i will do nothing...
but it's quite hard you know...
i still answer his text especially when he has a problem...
i mean...c'mon! we're still bestfriends...
wouldn't i be such a bad, cruel or mean friend if i will not be a friend just because of me not being his destiny?! that's such a petty reason to break a friendship...

now, how am i? really?!

actually, i am alright but i'm not...
haha...i'm so confused...
i really wanted to move on but i hate the way i feel...
because i still love him..
i know that i am not the only person on earth who is in this situation but what can i do?!
am i too stupid to be falling in love with someone who told me he loved me but also loves someone else?! god! help me!
am i stupid for still staying as his bestfriend?
well, i pretend not to think of him...
i mean..i try not to think of him...
but every time i am alone, his memory flashes and it all goes back to me...
and i hate it....
how could i possibly move on?
where the hell is Mr. Right?!
i hope he comes sooner so that i wouldn't be stuck on Mr. Wrong!
i'm trying my best to move on...
i really am...
if my friends just know how hard i try not to think of him, not to talk about him, not to LOVE him! *sigh*
this coming christmas break, i don't know if i wanna come home...because i'll see him again...
and i know that no matter how hard i try to stop these feelings...it would still go back when i see him and if i spend time with him....
maybe i might spend my christmas here but it would be too lonely to be alone during new year's eve...
i don't know...i haven't decided yet...
-well, i guess i'll end it here for now...because i have so much to do...i'll just post again if something happens...ok?! keep in touch guys who are reading these...-
i might need your advice...haha...kiddin'
i should fix this on my own...i know...
so, bye...for now...